Balance and wobbles

Ice is adorning the pavements where I live. Not the proper frozen snow stuff that you can easily see but the black ice stuff that looks like completely innocent pavement until you start skating unexpectedly.

I am a complete wuss when it comes to icy pavements. Somehow I stayed upright during a trip (not a pun!) to Reykjavik and her surrounding delights one December but in spite of this immense achievement, I'm still scared of sliding and falling on ice.

One reason for this is that my knee proprioception is absolutely poo. My knees and my brain talk to each other in a slightly different language which leads to loss of translation and impressive wobbliness at times when I really don't need it. I've noticed that when the floor is slippery, the tops of my legs tighten which makes me walk stiffly which makes my balance even worse. This happened on my way home from the shop I'd skated to last week; even with shopping bags for ballast on my return, my left leg seized up when I hit a slippy bit and I stopped to reset.

There was no way I was going out for a run so I opted to bob about the house for half an hour, landing on the balls of my feet, resulting in hyper tight calf muscles the following day (and two days later, although the muscles now feel more human than rock). Yesterday I hobbled impressively about the house, granting myself the chance to rest and ease the injury, albeit begrudgingly.

Another reason is that I know my balance is rubbish and I'm scared of slipping. Being stuck in the house with rock-like calf muscles yesterday made me wonder how I'll fare when I reach my hopefully healthy advanced years, because I don't want to be an old lady trapped in her own home in the winter. I turned to two things that I know can help me: yoga and EFT.

The yoga for balance session I found on my online subscription site included some ferocious moments of balancing on one leg on a block the size of a brick. And then I had to balance on the other leg on the block which seemed to be even smaller. Then we jumped off and back on, then repeated with eyes closed which I managed at the second attempt.

Physically, there is a lot I can do to improve communication between my knees and brain. Mentally, there is a lot of work to do too. I started EFT tapping and brought down my complete 'ARGH!' from very high to yes, OK, I don't like it but I can do it and today was all set to venture out into the icy wilderness of this Liverpool suburb.

But as my calves are still quite pinchy and grumpy, and skating became an element of bringing my emptied bin back from the pavement, another aspect of balance struck me. An aspect which fills me with more fear than the worst nightmare of an encounter with pavement ice: being still.

I am a notorious fidget. I cannot keep still, I do not want to keep still. My brain refuses to switch off because there is so much wonderful stuff to think about. I have to be active; even when watching television I'm knitting or sewing, and apart from the fitness and wellbeing aspect, I like to be out of the house, walking, running, doing something, because the alternative is being still.

Today I have chosen to face this fear of stillness. I have recorded a Facebook Live EFT session, written this blog and have a list of things to do that I am likely to complete because I am staying in the house and learning to be still and not run away from stillness. I've a lot of work to do physically and mentally to address both fears and am glad that I have accepted them. Game on.

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